Sometimes, you wish you could go back to girlfriend and boyfriend status. Less commitment, more fun, hot sex.
Hot sex. Yeah, that was a big thing… before you got married. She wanted a ring, you wanted to give her a ring, but when the ring was placed and the vows were said, the sex went downhill. You might both have jobs and are exhausted after work. Maybe she recently had a baby and isn’t feeling as sexy as she used to.
What can a guy do when he gets married, the sex gets stale or stops, and he’s barely got enough energy to even get out of bed? Read self-help articles on marital issues and sex, I guess.
So, now that you’re here, let’s talk about five common issues that can plague your sex life after marriage. There are a lot of things you can do, and suggest, to get your sex life back where you want it. Every couple has these issues, so be comforted that your relationship isn’t special. At least in the area of sex.
This is a big excuse in marriages. “I’m too tired.” Sometimes, if a huge event has happened, like a new baby or job loss, you might actually be too exhausted. But being too tired often stems from laziness. If you go home and watch your favorite TV show or check your Facebook updates, then you’re not too tired for 30 minutes of sex. Taking the time out of your day to put in 30 minutes can wet that dry spell and bring the two of you closer together.
Some solutions for fitting in 30 minutes of sex is to first talk about it with your partner. How often do the both of you want sex? When you’ve figured out an acceptable frequency, make a promise to each other to have sex at these times. Make sure this promise is non-negotiable. You pencil work into your schedule. Pencil in sex. Whether you agree on once a day or three times a week, stick to it.
To sweeten, or unsweeten rather, the deal, lay out consequences of missed sex sessions for each other. Don’t hurt each other, but take away indulgences. If she comes home and has a cup of tea, take it away. If you lounge around in your boxers with a box of Frosted Flakes, take it away. The threat of losing these things you enjoy will help you get back to the enjoyment of each other.
These can be a source of contention in the marriage bed. One of you may feel less than adequate when sex toys are around. Why do you need a sex toy when you’ve got me?
Another common issue is the foreignness of sex toys. One of you may think they’re completely weird and not want to use them.
The remedy to the issues of play things in the bedroom lies in communication. It really is the key to a happy and satisfying marriage.
If issues of inadequacy are on either of your minds, sit down when you’re both relaxed and talk about what you’d like to try. Be very clear that you’re more than satisfied with your wife, but just want to try something else that might make the both of you enjoy each other even more.
While you’re at it, ask her what she wants to do. With both of your desires out in the open, you can create a whole new channel of communication.
If hesitancy about using sex toys is at the heart of marital issues, then give it time. That reluctance in the beginning could wane as she feels more comfortable with you and trusts you more. Research these toys together, see what they do and how to use them, properly. She may change her mind.
If she doesn’t, don’t force the issue, but see if the two of you can agree on a compromise. If sex toys are important to you, but not to her, find out what is important to her.
More than just a physical act, sex is an emotional act. You don’t want to bring the worries of life into the bedroom with you. Those are not turn-ons. Hang a hat on the door and leave those worries to stare at it.
Some simple ways to improve emotional connectedness in the bedroom is to make eye contact. This can be forgotten as you go through the motions of sex, but it’s very important. When you’re looking into your wife’s eyes and she’s looking back, you’re right there with each other.
Say her first name
First names are personal and closely tied to who we are. When you’re in a crowd, you’re listening for your name. Your name helps you feel included. To boost intimacy in the bedroom, say her name. Before sex, ask her how she likes it to be said. Just don’t use a nickname.
Oh, and if she has had a baby, remind her how beautiful and sexy she is.
If you, or your wife, aren’t too keen on giving or receiving oral sex, this can put some kinks in the works. And not the good kind of kinks. To work on this issue, you’ll want to add in other activities. Like, a shower. If body odor has your wife feeling apprehensive, take a shower together. This will assure her that all of your parts are clean and fresh.
Spread food on her genitalia. Whether this is chocolate, whipped cream, or some other food usually reserved for ice cream, it can boost the possibility of enjoyable oral sex. Be careful with her genitalia. Food inside of her vagina can cause infections.
Don’t forget to sweeten yourself up if the apprehension is from her.
Your sex life, or lack thereof, is your responsibility. By being honest, willing to have fun with each other, and try some new things, you can stoke the spark that’s waiting to erupt in a glorious, hot blaze.