Bro code rules guys interactions, whether unspoken or spoken. Here are 18 of those codes so you know how to act around your fellow bros.
Simple. A greeting between guys involves three different things.
- Bro handshake before a hug.
- After the hug, a pat on the back is mandatory.
- Overeager dudes don’t get high fives. Everyone needs to keep the excitement to a minimal.
#2 URINALS—THERE IS A RIGHT ONE
Simple. Four rules rule the bathroom space.
- Don’t crowd someone else’s urinal. If there’s one available that isn’t right next to another dude, use that one. It’s not cool to look at another guy’s junk.
- Unless you’re a kid or a man-child, don’t use the short urinals.
- Don’t shake your junk loud.
- Stop talking when the stream starts.
#3 WHIPPED? DON’T BE.
Letting your woman wear the pants isn’t encouraged. Respect, consideration, and love are cool, but she shouldn’t be running your life.
- Don’t go to dance classes.
- Don’t read the same book as your woman in one of those couples bonding activities.
- Don’t wear her clothes even if they say “unisex” or feel soft and silky.
#4 WHIPPED BY YOUR FRIEND’S WOMAN? DON’T BE.
Really simple. Just don’t.
- Never date your bro’s woman, before, during, or after their relationship has ended. She may need a rebound, but it shouldn’t be you unless your bro gives his blessings.
- Don’t talk to your bro’s ex-woman about his new woman.
- Don’t ask your bro’s woman if she has any hot friends.
Matter of fact, as much as possible, just hang out with your bro. You shouldn’t have much of a reason to hang out with his woman, though if you come upon her, be nice.
#5 PRANK WITH RESPECT
Pranks are always fun. A little shampoo, some prank calls, and a lot of shaving cream.
- Don’t break bones.
- Don’t take guys’ phones.
- Don’t loan anything.
#6 PORN MANAGEMENT
Porn is awesome, but like all things in life, it needs to be done in moderation.
The simple three.
- Don’t use your roommate’s laptop. That’s for his porn, only.
- Don’t leave “reviews” on porn message boards. Watch, enjoy, jack off, repeat.
- Don’t stay up late for live shows. They’ll be there at the crack of dawn. Get some sleep. The less sleep you get, the more stressed out you’ll become, the harder it’ll be to get hard.
#7 EAT MANLY
Dainty won’t do. Crumbs are good, but your woman will appreciate it if you clean them up because, you know, she’s not a maid.
- Pizza doesn’t need a knife, fork, or any other utensil. Hands-only, dude.
- When drinking a cappuccino, it’s not cute to get foam on your nose. Save that for your woman.
- Don’t request your burger cut in half. Again, save that for your woman and little kids.
#8 DRINK MANLY
Fruity drinks are an option for those with double X chromosomes. For dudes, follow these three simple things.
- Don’t ask for a “brewski”.
- Don’t get a drink that comes with a colored straw, mini umbrella, or is named after a character in a movie.
- Unless you have the dough to buy shots for everyone, don’t yell, “Shots for everyone!”. Guys gotta have hopes and you’re messing them up when you do that.
#9 STAY COOL AT THE GYM
- Don’t wear or run with “toe shoes”. Those things are just weird.
- Don’t obsess over your abs in the mirrors. Matter of fact, just look at home.
- Unless there is no other choice, skip the group stretching.
#10 WHEN YOU’RE A GROOMSMAN
Follow these three steps:
- Don’t skip the bachelor party because of a “work thing”. Schedule that time off ahead of time.
- Don’t grab a cup of wine, raise it, and then make a long speech about the state of your unending loneliness.
- Don’t catch the garter. Let some other single dude get it.
#11 ALL-BRO PICS
All-bro pics have a couple of simple to follow codes.
- Don’t force everyone to look tough and serious. Smiling’s fine.
- Don’t touch anyone if no one else is.
- Don’t leave out your beach shirt.
This may be a natural process, but if you let one loose, follow these simple three.
- Don’t deny it.
- Don’t force it.
- Don’t talk about its artistic qualities.
Unless you’re a unicorn in disguise, there’s nothing special about your gas.
#13 JUNK SHOTS
While we all love our junk, don’t put yours on camera.
- Don’t send junk shots to your girlfriend.
- Don’t save junk shots for yourself.
- Just don’t. This’ll save your political future, trust us.
#14 BROMANCE IS SACRED
Just three simple rules.
- Don’t drive to the game, alone. Pick up your bros.
- Don’t reject Mario Kart.
- Don’t be possessive of your personal space.
#15 FRIENDS FIRST
Don’t put down a close friend, or close friends, to impress a woman or new person in the group. That friend has your back and this, seriously, goes against bro code.
#16 DON’T BE HIGH-MAINTENANCE WITH YOUR BEER
When offered a free, cold, beer, accept it. For that matter, accept whatever’s around you, rather than going on and on about how you don’t like this brand. When you get home, open the fridge, and drink the beer you like. If you have some, Mr. Free Beer.
#17 DON’T CUT YOUR BRO’S STORY OFF
If your bro’s re-telling a story you’ve already heard from somebody else, let him. He’s taking the time to tell you, which means you’re one of his close buds. For that matter, act like you haven’t heard it before. Your bro’s not a mind-reader, he doesn’t know you already know. Let him enjoy the moment like you’d expect him to do for you.
#18 HOMOPHOBIA IS NOT COOL
A bro is a bro is a bro. That’s it.
So, with these rules spelled out, go forth and be an awesome bro.